Hag In My Seat

(To RIP)

When traveling by train, people generally avoid the side-lower berth in sleeper coaches. Even if you are only of average height, your feet don’t fit within the berth’s frame when lying down. In order to sleep, you have to embryonize yourself, curve into a banana.

Even so, your feet will jut out and the people – vendors, beggars, passengers, who not - walking by will brush your feet as they make their way through the passage. Slumber is well-nigh impossible with hot kettles and cold bottles grazing your toes, however fleeting the contact may be.

People would give anything for a good night’s sleep and hence they give a wide berth to the lowly side-berth unless they’re elderly or extremely short. However, given a choice, in spite of the discomfort that it entails, I always take the side-lower berth. Call it a quirk of mine, but the side-lower berth does offer some definite advantages:

(Ir-rationale)

a) In hot weather, you can open the windows before sleeping. It’s a pleasure sleeping with the wind blowing on your face and cooling the length of your body.
b) You can keep your distance if your co-passengers are gasbags. If they are interesting, you can always talk of course. You have the best of both worlds. In the six-seat/berth compartment, you are stuck; you have to put up with whomever you are put up with. Also, if you choose the side-lower, you have only one co-passenger whom you absolutely must bear.
c) You can sleep with your head pointing whichever direction you choose- either in the direction of the train’s motion or against. I hate traveling backwards.

Plus, every time you make a booking indicating your preference as side-lower, it being so unpopular, you get what you asked for. Who can say that there is no joy in that? Hey, somebody actually granted you your wish!

So there I was in the Bangalore-Trivandrum Express. Sure enough, I had gotten my very own side-lower berth. I had dozed off almost instantly after settling in; it had been a tiring day. I woke up refreshed after a good night’s sleep, the cool night-wind had energized me. I found that many of my co-passengers had gotten off on the way.

(The Encroacher)

From a station on the way, an old woman with her son and his family boarded the train. They chose to sit in the six-seat cubicle on my side. Thankfully, they left me alone, one of them could’ve opted to sit on the other half of my berth, you see.

The train chugged on, and after a while, I left my seat to take a dump, leaving behind my bag and novel, “booking” my seat. Even so, when I came back, I found that the old woman had crept into my seat. Encroachment! Infringement! In sharp contrast with me who would’ve taken the seat of my preference given a choice, she had taken it given a chance!

She seemed harmless enough, the praying, God-fearing, grandmother-type, with big gold earrings the size of bangles dangling from her ears. The rosary in her hand would’ve made her seem saintly to some but to me, she was a scheming demon in white. The white witch was not going to vacate; she seemed oblivious of me - lost in thought, engrossed in prayer. I quietly sat on the other half of the berth.

(Do unto others as others do unto you)

I didn’t protest aloud but I did keep shooting lethal looks at her, my eyes glowing with indignation and irritation. For a while, I shifted around trying to force her out through subtle, surreptitious changes in the position of my legs, pulsing, nudging but no, no way she was budging. She was a Mountain Of Faith, confident that she would be forgiven her trespass against me.

Some time later, after futile minutes of desperation, I decided to hunt around for another suitable seat. Trudging along the coach’s passage, I detected a side-lower berth that had been left unguarded by its owner. I seized the opportunity! I sat down and when the rightful owner, a young man, returned and saw me there, I thought I could see glimpses of me in him. For a while, he and I played me-and-encroacher-grandma.

He started behaving almost identically as I had previously. Perhaps it was normal - just human nature, or maybe comfort-loving-selfish-young-urban-male nature, that made us behave like we did. What hardships had we ever known, born into a pacifist world of plenty? Here we were, pettily fighting for a mere seat. Enlightened, after a while, I smiled a knowing smile and ‘surrendered’. I walked away.

(Thought experiments)

I returned to grandma-taunting. I would appeal to the encroacher’s conscience telepathically: Get up! Get up! Respect the boundaries! Why were wars fought in your day? The prime reason… Moved by the injustice, and convinced of my innocence, I was shaking my head so much that it could possibly have been classified as an audible vibration. But older people have a higher threshold of hearing and hence my mental remonstrations failed to inspire remorse in the old lady.

She continued counting the beads on the rosary. Couldn’t she see the futility of that? You can keep doing that for an eternity and not have a clue as to how many. Infinity is a circle… Maybe God was listening to her prayers…If she wanted to stretch her legs, Let There Be Space! I climbed to the upper berth and I lay back reconciling myself to my fate.

For some time, I read my book with an occasional glance down at the old lady who, by now, had settled into a conscious trance, evidenced by her rotary rosary. I also resumed my stare-athon, with the old lady’s son this time, hoping that he would get the message.

Amongst other nefarious schemes for an ouster, of varying subterfuge, I thought of starting a conversation with the man in which I would cursorily and casually throw in the anecdote about the Arab and the camel – the one in which the Arab shares his tent with a camel and ends up being kicked out – with an occasional chance glance at his mother for good measure. That could get the idea through.

The parabolic parable was not to be, though; one just could not predict how people would react to their mother being called a camel! I’ve seen fights break out and heard that men have been killed for less. I could possibly have scraped through with my feathers unruffled in the probable scuffle with my quick-and-ready rejoinder: I was not an Arab, of course not! But cool logic tends to evaporate in the heat of rage; I decided not to take the risk. Thus scheming and plotting coups, unable to concentrate on my book, I nodded off momentarily.

(Hand Of God)

When I opened my eyes, sure enough, I fixed my gaze, leaning over, to my seat of contention. It was…empty! There for the taking! I looked to my left and saw the old lady, sitting with her family again. Thought can move mountains.

Joyously, though not ostentatiously (I think I managed to keep my rapturous glee down to a smirk of smug satisfaction), I descended down to my berth (mine!) and lay down. I even managed to read my book.

My joy was short-lived though; I shortly discovered that my cell phone was missing. Frantic, I rummaged around the compartment. My annexed neighbour however was unperturbed. Still counting the beads on her prayer-chain, she pointed out the phone to me.

It was there on the berth, my berth, where her head had been previously. It must have fallen down when I was sleeping in the upper berth. (I keep my wallet and my cell phone in my trouser-pockets, another of my quirks) I apologized profusely; I had only thought evil, you see, not said or done things. My apologies must have rung hollow and insincere; from the way they looked at me, it was obvious that they thought that I had done it intentionally.

She flung an accusatory glance at me, which rebounded off my innocence. I was only an instrument of Fate. And it was not as if she had not known the truth of gravity when she had lain in my berth - “There is a God, and He is Up Above.”

-Thomas Jay Cubb

Word Splurge

A peek into the creator's mind...when he feels he just has to write a poem only because he has learnt a couple of new (and similar) words, and wants to use them!
:-)

---------------------
WORD SPLURGE
---------------------

Er..Er...
I hesitate
Words to concatenate,
amalgamate and ostentate

Er..However
I have this urge
a creative urge
And it begins to surge.

I wonder whether
My inhibitions to expunge.
Make that lunge
and take the plunge.

No longer
a procrastinating Demivierge
I will emerge
my own demiurge.

- Thomas Jay Cubb


LEXICON
----------------
Demivierge - a young woman who takes part in sexual activity without ending her virginity
Demiurge - A subordinate deity, in some philosophies the creator of the universe

JUST-IN-CASE LEXICON
------------------------------
concatenate - Add by linking or joining so as to form a chain or series
amalgamate - To bring or combine together or with something else
ostentate - Display proudly; act ostentatiously or pretentiously
expunge - Remove by erasing or crossing out or as if by drawing a line
lunge - The act of moving forward suddenly
procrastinate - Postpone or delay needlessly

Queuriest - IX

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QUEURIEST - IX
Keep Guessing - Johnnie Guesser
-------------------------------------------------------

1. You might not know it, but you actually have a philtrum. What could it be?
*

2. Which country is divided into administrative units called parishes? Clue: Hush,sh...death!
*

3. Horror in the 20th century! Be warned, this is not for the weak-at-heart. Who said after what, "I am a new Frankstein." ?
*

4. I wonder whether being perfect is the same as being ideal... If a perfect number is a number that is equal to the sum of its factors, what are ideal numbers?
*

5. What is Spanish for Mary Jane? (Try saying it repeatedly in as Spanish a way as you can...even if you don't get the answer, you might get a kick out of it!)
*

6. Which band takes its name from the Bob Dylan song "The Ballad of Frankie Lee And ..."? Cryptic Clue: The traitor preaches about violation of rules!
*

7. Who was the first person* to win the US Open on all three surfaces - clay, grass and hard-court? *to appease feminists! Clue: Say, when edges meet!
*

8. One that will surely make your eyes pop out! (Please don't google on this one, it'll really spoil the joy of guessing!)
Who or what are Peepeye, Poopeye, Pupeye and Pipeye?
*

9. Where would you expect to find Kirkwood gaps? Clue: Earth-grazers?
*

10. A very rough correspondence, maybe. Japanese: Hara-kiri :: Balinese: ___________ ?
*

---------------------------------------------------------------
BONUS QUESTION ;-)
Q: What is a paragodge? Tell me about it. . . :-)
*

----------------------------------------------------------------
Of all the words of mice
and men, the saddest are
"It might have been..."
------------------------------------

From: "SonOfDelphi"
Date: Tue Feb 11, 2003 8:52 pm
Subject: Queuriest - IX

hi everybody!

welcome to episode 9 of Queuriest.

this is the penultimate instalment of Queuriest. The 10th episode will be the last one. I've enjoyed setting these quizzes, especially the framing part - putting in the clues etc... mostly the Qs come from my diaries - stuff that I've noted down over the years from books I've read, quizzes that I've been to etc

when you reply to this, i would appreciate it if you could send in a brief intro of urself (asl+quizistory should do) so that I can put in something about u in the final episode* + maybe a few quizzing tidbits as well...stuff that you've gleaned and which you think suit the Queuriest mould.

Note that you do not need to do this, ONLY if you don't mind...

Answers in a week's time.

trivially yours,

luv
thomas

*will feature a mega-scoreboard of all responses to all episodes and ur rating based on performance.

ANSWERS
---------------

From: "SonOfDelphi"
Date: Tue Feb 18, 2003 7:32 pm
Subject: Answers to Queuriest - IX

hi folks!

31 responses in all.

Lots of half-points this time. May be because some of the questions were a bit arbitrary. . .

Only a few - 4 - got the bonus question right. Congrats! Though none corrected me on the spelling.

Queuriest-X tomorrow.

luv
thomas

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QUEURIEST - VIII
Keep Guessing - Johnnie Guesser
-------------------------------------------------------

1. You might not know it, but you actually have a philtrum. What could it be?
* Philtrum refers to the groove in the upper lip...that channel below your nose...that depression...yes, you are touching it now...:-)
Most answered question of the quiz. Perhaps the way the question was framed was taken as a direct insult? So it was philtrum with a vengeance! ;-)
Many answers referred to love-potion, as philtre=love-potion, nice guessing there...
+I from RK: in medico language its called the nasolabial fold

2. Which country is divided into administrative units called parishes? Clue: Hush,sh...death!
* Jamaica
Sort of ambiguous question...lots of countries are divided into parishes, I guess. . .that's why I had given the clue. . .
The clue referred to Whispering Death --> Michael Holding who comes from Jamaica...this being World-Cup mania, I thought somebody would crack the clue . . .Also I thought this was an FAQ on the circuit, but seems I was wrong on both counts..
If you answered England and feel 'wrong'ed, in spite of the validity of the clue you didn't use, go ahead and add 1 point to ur score.But before you do that, try this : Is India divided into states or is it divided into districts? England is divided into counties and __counties__ are divided into parishes. Now, read the question again and decide for urself.

3. Horror in the 20th century! Be warned, this is not for the weak-at-heart. Who said after what, "I am a new Frankstein." ?
* Louis Washkansky after the world's successful human heart-transplant by Dr.Christian Barnard.
In the book, Frankenstein is the creator, not the monster, which was nameless.( When will people stop thinking that it's the monster's name?!! )...and should have been said by the doctor actually...:-)

4. I wonder whether being perfect is the same as being ideal... If a perfect number is a number that is equal to the sum of its factors, what are ideal numbers?
* Ideal numbers were a class of numbers invented in order to prove Fermat's last theorem whose factorization in terms of complex numbers is unique.
A bit too technical?

5. What is Spanish for Mary Jane? (Try saying it repeatedly in as Spanish a way as you can...even if you don't get the answer, you might get a kick out of it!)
* Marijuana (Got the kick?)
Some of you came up with some very creative answers on this one...i wonder why...:-)

6. Which band takes its name from the Bob Dylan song "The Ballad of Frankie Lee And ..."? Cryptic Clue: The traitor preaches about violation of rules!
* Judas Priest
Clue made it really obvious. "Breaking The Law" song, Judas = Traitor disciple, Priest preaches ZZZZZZZZ...?

7. Who was the first person* to win the US Open on all three surfaces - clay, grass and hard-court? *to appease feminists! Clue: Say, when edges meet!
*Jimmy Connors
When edges meet, say CORNERS!
...and people take note (feminists esp), men are persons too! :-). . .got a lot of women players as answers...as expected... ;-)

8. One that will surely make your eyes pop out! (Please don't google on this one, it'll really spoil the joy of guessing!)
Who or what are Peepeye, Poopeye, Pupeye and Pipeye?
* They are Popeye the Sailor's nephews.
I've been liberal on this one and given half-points to any answer that they are related to Popeye.

9. Where would you expect to find Kirkwood gaps? Clue: Earth-grazers?
* These are the relatively empty regions in the asteroid-belt.
Earth-grazer=

10. A very rough correspondence, maybe. Japanese: Hara-kiri :: Balinese: ___________ ?
* Puputan
Puputan was collective suicide committed by the Balinese kings and their courtiers because of the humiliation they suffered at the hands of the Dutch...
(and, remember puputan before you google! ;-)
I'd said it was a very rough correspondence. Strictly speaking, very different from hara-kiri. But basically, the idea in both was suicide...so I hope it's acceptable.

---------------------------------------------------------------
BONUS QUESTION ;-)
Q: What is a paragodge? Tell me about it. . . :-)
* There is no such thing as a paragodge! However there is something called paragoge. what couldd it be? adding sounds to words for eg. extra 'd's for effect, like in drownded, often seen in poems. So now you see!...why the smilies...why this was a bonusQ...why it was paragoDge!...;-)

----------------------------------------------------------------
Of all the words of mice
and men, the saddest are
"It might have been..."
----------------------------------------------------------------

The scores (in chronological order)

1. Gaurav Lochan - 2.5 (Still looking for a kick?)
2. Shobhana Balakrishnan - 4.5 (Tell me about it!)
3. Rajiv Rai - 3.5 (very good tries indeed)
4. Rahul Guha - 3.5 (Maria Janelle...dunno)
5. Vimal Vikrant Vardhan - 0.5 (nephews actually)
6. Kensy Joseph - 3 (Who's Juano? ;-)
7. Sundeep Venkatraman - 3 (Outrageous...and correct! Keep guessing is the motto here.)
8. Kunal Malhotra - 5 (good show)
9. Usha Ramaswamy - 0.5 (Very good guessing though, really you deserve more)
10. Biswabijoy Sen - 3 (play-it-safe man?)
11. Parmitaghosh - 4.5 (r u parmita or parmit a. ghosh?)
12. Partha Sengupta - 2.5 (Pop I)
13. Mamatha Balasubramanian - 4 (solid effort)
14. Sreeram - 2 (old man ;-)
15. Karthik Ramgopal - 8 (great show, bonusQ also..)
16. Shom Biswas - 4 (u confuse me with ur many names!)
17. Rexy Joseph - 4 (Jam!!??)
18. Minhaj Alam - 2 (really liked ur answers..)
19. Priyambad Pattanayak - 3 (congrats on BonusQ, but did u get the misspelling?)
20. Bhaskar Singh - 1 (Afghanistan!)
21. Ankur Jain - 6 (good, solid effort)
22. Thejaswi Udupa - 7.5 (good use of the clues after all eh?)
23. Anoop Radhakrishna - 5 (pretty cool)
24. Syam Prasad - 3 (It was not Dr.Barnard)
25. Ranjith Kumar - 1 (nice guesses though)
26. Pauline Daniel - 3 (UK hmm...)
27. Debashree Mitra - 3 (loooong intro! cool.)
28. Prithwiraj Mukherjee - 2 (nice answers)
29. Sandeep Unni - 6 (going great guns!)
30. Venkateswar - 2 (Two pennies! = 1 + 0.5 + 0.5)
31. Nithin - 4 (Ian Wilmut was a superb try)
32. Annanya Deb - 4 (in the nick of time!)

--------STATS ----------------------------------------------

Funnest! -
Area in which Hitler had moustache on Philtrum
Mike Tyson after EarBiting on Frankenstein
Maria Juano on Mary Jane
All Popeyes in different languages on Popeye's nephews
Numbers that "feel" right on ideal numbers
Atma hatya on Puputan

Ridiqulest! -
Numbers with no application on Ideal numbers
Crocodile's mouth on Kirkwood Gaps
Jam on Marijuana
Saddam Hussein on Frankenstein
Barakiri on Puputan

Guessest!- nice guessing
Kevorkian on Frankenstein
Numbers equal to product of factors on Ideal numbers
Ability to love! on Philtrum (how cute!...sentimental)
Ian Wilmut of Dolly fame on Frankenstein
Redundant nicticating eye membrane on Philtrum (Impressive!)
Names Olive Oyl calls Popeye on Nephews

* All questions except 2 and 10 were cracked fully
* Karthik Ramgopal tops the quiz with 8 points
* Average score : 3.5
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