Who You Are Versus What You Are

Of late, I have been analyzing various social interactions and personal conflicts from the angle of Who-You-Are versus What-You-Are and I've found that it explains a lot of things: from extravagant weekend shopping sprees to Daddy-wasn't-there situations to I-won't-talk-to-you-anymore personal crises...

Who You Are: There are things you do because of your intrinsic nature. You are who you are. That's the kind of person I am!

What You Are: There are things you do or want to do because of things you have no control over. Victims of circumstance is what you are. I do what I have to do!

Examples

Army officers: Attention!

People who spent most of their lives working in the army come to expect similar levels of discipline and no-questions-asked obedience in their personal lives as well. They expect you to listen to what they have to say (Attention!) and this is what often leads to coffee-table monologues!

Beggars: What kind of cheapo are you?

A beggar pleads with you for money persistently. Finally, you are touched and finally give him small change. Then It has happened to me!

Beggar: Please...Please...Please... (What You Are: Beggars beg)

You: No...No...No... (What You Are: Refuse requests for money from strangers.)

Then you finally give in...give him small

You: Here take this. Hope this change helps. (Who You Are: Human being with empathy)

Beggar: What? 50 paise!!! (Who You Are: I gave up my dignity for this!!??)

Crux

There is an Ego associated with both these components of our personality and this leads to conflicts and problems. Our irritation with people we interact with usually expresses itself with the protests: Who does he think he is? What does he think I am?

It is easier for the What-You-Are component to override and control the Who-You-Are component. I guess how comfortable you are with the sudden switch-overs will determine how happy you are...

Professionally Good!

Can an exceptionally good doctor be an evil person?

A high degree of benevolence is intrinsically associated with some professions. People working in these roles are supposed to help people commonly held to be "un-evil” and we often subconsciously confuse the professional with the personals. Surely, some of the good in the work he does would rub off on him, wouldn't it?

The character of Dr. Hannibal Lecter (Silence Of The Lambs) was so shocking and effective primarily because of the inherent traits we tend to associate with doctors and cooks. Given that Hannibal the Cannibal was both a doctor, a good cook and a connoisseur to boot, the line of dialogue, "I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti." comes as a real blood-curdler!!!

People who are “professionally” good could include -
Doctors: Save us from disease! (Godly actions)
Cops: Save us from bad guys! (Father figures. They enforce the law which is for the greater common good, ensure justice)
Cooks: Feed us! (strong association with Mother, care etc. They feed you, would never knowingly poison you, would they!)

So we tend to assume that if they are good at what they do, since what they do is for the good, they must also be good persons who will not want to do you harm. Surely, he cannot be a bad person!

There are also many movies where the "good cop" hero, also does a lot of bad, evil things. Dirty Harry, for example.

Given the choice of a lawyer, a politician and a doctor, and all of them are ready, willing and equally equipped to help (say, take care of your dog) you, who would you rather go to for some help?

Notes To My Child

Don't lose:

* your curiosity and sense of wonder. Never hesitate to question Why or to ask Why not!

* your openness and ability to accept new things. This is what I thought, but it could work that way too and, you know what, it might actually be better that way.

* your lack of inhibition and shame. Don't be afraid to try out whatever's on your mind. People might think it's silly but hey, it's just them, who cares!

You'll be better off if you get rid of:

* Your naivete and innocence. Some people are evil, though most of them are harmless because they are selfish as well. You'll be better off with a slight(but hey don't overdo it), mean streak.

* The need to be/feel rewarded for every little thing you've done. Yeah, that was great all right but not everybody realizes it.

* your impatience. It could take some time before things improve.

Greenmailing

We would love to go green, but we need your help...is a line you often hear from corporates nowadays. It's become so prevalent that there is actually a word that has been invented for it: greenmailing, as opposed to blackmailing.

It's only a change of shade, you know, from blackmail to greenmail. The greenmailer also aims to exploit a sense of guilt in you for his private gain. But one difference i:, the cheapo greenmailers don't have the guts to admit that they are engaging in cheap greenmail, while the blackmailer has no qualms about doing so . What was that about, Honor Among Thieves?

GREENMAIL in action

* The Bank asks you to opt for account-statements by email. Save Paper!, they say.

Distorted viewpoint? Hardly. These pleas are more about saving petty overhead expenses than about the environment. It's all about the bottom-line, and that is the bottom line!

* The Bank then sends you printed fliers about their latest loans and facilities. They even have the temerity to send you (and keep on sending you!) paper reminders of the importance of opting for paperless email-statements!

More flagrant examples of greenmailing are on view at hotels. The Hotel asks you to reduce your water-usage in the wash-room. Water is Scarce!, a prominently placed poster proclaims. The Hotel asks you to not expect a fresh towel/sheet every day. We need to Conserve Resources!, they say. The Hotel asks you to cooperate during the scheduled switching off of the air-conditioner for two hours...with the energy used by an AC in an hour can be used to...blah blah... Use less, save the environment!

Yeah, right!

Photography Was Allowed!

These snaps were taken when I visited a friend's house - is it in Bangalore or Sign Land, I wonder :), the situation was signs-signs-signs. Some are signs I have (and probably never will :) see anywhere else, some are just naughty perspectives, some are just plain funny! I really had a blast taking these.

The playground was called Concrete Ground for heaven's sake, and there were so many rules that one simply could not relax there...my heart goes out to kids growing up there...

My personal favorites are the no-games-allowed in-toilets, poetic r'turn well-wishing and the children-at-play sign boards... Nope, I did not break any rules taking these pix though, photography was not prohibited!

(I suspect photography will be next! :) )