Two Otocorrect Jocks

Malayalees have an inclination for the round "O" sound when we talk.

For example, we tend to pronounce the word "Auto" as "Oto".

Being self-conscious and also self-effacing by nature, we make a genuine effort to oto-correct when we find we made a mistake, and pretend it never happened...often with hilarious consequences...

Here are two illustrations from real life (courtesy Jeswin & Abid)

1. --- JOBY --

Joby was a Malayalee who migrated to the US. People made so much fun of his pronunciation that the poor chap even changed the way he pronounced his name! Earlier, he was Joe-bee, now he was Job-bee!

Once, when Joby had come to Bangalore, we went out for lunch at a restaturant.

After taking the order, the waiter asked, "What would you like to drink, sir?"

"I'll have a Cock please. Thank you!"

2. --- VIVEK ---

Vivek (English was not his strong suit) was out on a trek with friends when he spotted a scarecrow in one of the fields

"Hey, look guys! A scapegoat!!!"

Everybody started laughing.

Vivek quickly oto-corrected himself,

"Oh, sorry! I meant scape-got."

Lightning Strikes Thrice

Believe it or not, there are witnesses, but on March 15, 2009, within the space of 2 hours I was -
1) Sneezed on by an elephant
2) Peed on by a monkey
3) Pooped on by a bird (sorry, don't know which kind :))

I was out in Coorg for a nature-trip...guess Nature didn't exactly reciprocate my love that day!
Only now do I realize the sheer impossibility of those events happening all together!

Hell, I didn't even know that elephants sneezed! (They do it with their trunk, in case you didn't know either)

Being Actively Proactive

Adjective: proactive - (of a policy or person or action) controlling a situation by causing something to happen rather than waiting to respond to it after it happens

Here's how to be actively proactive:

1. Pesky
Do not mind your own business. Keep asking: "How can I help?", "Can I help?" etc

2. Snoopy, Sneaky
Overhear and help!

Current Jokes

While in school, we were taught that the waveform for AC is a sine curve.
The representation of the signal was like: ^u^u^u^u or /\/\/\/\/\/\/\ with a line passing through it: you know what I mean.

This realization led to the postulation of the following explanations/justifications.

1. Why don't birds on wires get electrocuted?
Because they might be perched on a section of the wire through which the wave-form doesn't pass.

2. Why we need not pay for electricity.
Because the current comes to our home and then goes right back to the power-station.

Yup, these are PJs.

3. How could power-cuts possibly help to save energy?
The power was generated by water falling on the turbines. The power was being generated anyway (other localities would have power), the water was falling. It could not go back up, so weren't we actually wasting that water!

You Know Officialese TJs

Three short ones, maybe more appropriate as cartoons.

IN SEARCH OF

---------------------------

A: Where can I find the pipeline?

B: Which pipeline?

A: You know, the one in which all the projects are...

THE MILLIONAIRE

--------------------------------

A: I am resigning.

B: Why's that?

A: I have become a millionaire!

B: On a salary, wow! Where'd you invest?

A: You know, I've got ownership of so many things...

PHONE

----------------------------

A: Can you please ring me on this phone?

B: But why are you standing on those magazines?

A: You know, I need to take a call on a few issues.

Proof By Quotation

"A witty saying proves nothing."
- Voltaire

"Bullshit! Witty sayings are the very essence of wisdom, and I should know."
- Oscar Wilde

"People will take anything you say seriously if you put a famous name next to it."
- Albert Einstein

-From a discussion on Slashdot