Film Festival Diary - BIFFES 9th Edition - 2017

THE BUSINESS OF WATCHING MOVIES 2016

The recent BIFFES film festival showcased movies of the year 2016, from around the world. It was an eclectic collection from the 2016 film festival circuits. BIFFES-9 happened at PVR Orion Mall, Bengaluru from Feb 3 to Feb 9.  Over the 7 days, I was able to watch 22 movies! Very much back in the saddle of The Business of Watching Movies (TBOWM), at long last, after a hiatus of 6 years.

The organizers did a great job managing the screenings and the huge crowds. The volunteers kept the information flowing. There were timely updates about the minor snafus that are to be expected in an event of this magnitude.

The venue was great, with 11 screens, good seating and other facilities. PVR also provided a special festival-priced menu organized by was also a good move. Only suggestions for improvement are that a) they could avoid the long queues and subsequent mob-like behavior, by allowing immediate entry into the auditoriums and b) utilize the poster displays to also show timings.

All in all, it was a great experience and time well-spent.

PERSONAL

I was mostly focusing on watching the movies, catching up after a long time.

1. DUET -  Iran 9/10 - Portrait of problems faced by their current spouses when two exes with unresolved issues meet. Silent ambiguities.
2. A MAN CALLED OVE - Sweden 9/10 - Heartwarming tale of a grumpy old man who finds new friends and purpose in life, despite his peeves!
3. VERY BIG SHOT -  Lebanon 9/10 - Slick comedy. Pizza guys shoot movie to smuggle drugs in film canisters. Lovable characters.
4. THE POLAR BOY - Estonia 8.5/10 - Boy needs to fake bipolar disorder to get out of trouble caused by bipolar girlfriend. Funnymotionalsadjoy
5. THE TEACHER - Slovakia 8.5/10 - who exploits students to get her chores done. Comedy done in a delightful 12 Angry Men style narrative.
6. LIKE CRAZY - Italy 8.5/10 - Comedy drama about the escapades and discoveries of two inmates who escape from an institution -
7. A CONSPIRACY OF FAITH - Denmark 8.5/10 - Tightly executed, fast-paced thriller about a kidnapping serial killer. Faith ruminations weaved
8. GUILTY MEN - Colombia 8/10 - Rustic crime drama. Theft, treachery and murder! And a love triangle. Delightful watch.
9. FLEMISH HEAVEN - Belgium 8/10 - Drama piece about a brothel owner's daughter getting abused and justice. Thought-provoking.
10. RAUF -Turkey 8/10 - Boyhood tale. Shepherd boy's crush on his master's daughter,who wants a pink scarf. But pink's in short supply!
11. PAULINA - Argentina 8/10 - Drama about woman who takes up rural work, gets raped in a case of mistaken identity and has the baby.
12. THE PEOPLE VS. FRITZ BAUER - Germany 7.5/10 - Gripping account of how Bauer got Eichmann caught by the Mossad. Facing Germany's Nazi & homophobic past seems to have been a motivation behind the movie..
13. MINISTRY OF LOVE - Croatia 7.5/10 - Down-to-earth comedy. Budget cuts off widow pension, if they've remarried. Inspectors need proof!
14. NERUDA - Chile 7.5/10 - Fictionalized biopic of an inspector's hunt for impeached Pablo. Would've been more fun if it was less abstract
15. HEDI -Tunisia 7/10 - Tale of a mama's boy who tries to break free from his mother's chosen plans...At 25, and about to get married...
16. DOGS - Romania 7/10 - Parabolic story of man who inherits vast land from gangster relative but is unable to sell.-
17. K SERA SERA - India 7/10 - Dual tale about the futility and illusion of choices we make. A bit worn but great acting.
18. ANNA’S LIFE - Georgia - 7/10 - Struggles of a single mother with an autistic kid to go to the USA
19. SIERANEVADA - Romania 7/10 - Accurate, real-time view of events at a family lunch. Brilliant exploration of the quotidian. Too long.
20. THE TOTH FAMILY- Hungary 7/10 - Comedy about a family putting up with their son's eccentric commander who long overstays his welcome. The techniques have not aged well.
21. PRETENDERS - Estonia 6/10 - All elements for a Polanski-style behavioral thriller. Couples in an isolated place etc. But falls flat.
22. THE CAT - India 3/10 - Cheap symbolism and lines in a B-grade movie about a lusting(?) monk...Marks only for the sincerity of melodrama! I have no clue how this made the cut.

The only interactive session I attended was one with the crew of  Ke Sera Sera, which was fun. The crew talked about how they were able to pull it off in 16 days flat and how the actor who played an old man managed the physical transformations.

Another funny episode for me happened in the queue for one of the shows. I told my neighbours in the queue for one of the shows that I was in the business of watching movies. They took me seriously and asked me whether it paid well. I hadn't known they were students in a film institute!

MOVIE REVIEW DIARY

Detailed listing of the movies I watched with a short review, in th order of recommendation follows. On the right are excerpts from the official BIFFES catalog PDF.

• DUET -  Iran 9/10

Portrait of problems faced by their current spouses when two exes with unresolved issues meet. Silent ambiguities.

Duet, Director - Navid Danesh, Iran / 2016 / Persian / 103 min.

Synopsis:Minoo drives her husband Hamed to see his ex-girlfriend Sepideh as

he wants to apologize to her for their unpleasant breakup some years

ago. The reunion, however, revives old memories that set in motion a

sequence of events that affect Sepideh’s life.

• A MAN CALLED OVE - Sweden 9/10

Heartwarming tale of a grumpy old man who finds new friends and purpose in life, despite his peeves!

En Man Som Heter Ove, Director - Hannes Holm

Sweden / 2015 / Swedish | Persian / 116 min.

Synopsis: 59 year old Ove is the block’s grumpy man who several years earlier was

deposed as president of the condominium association, but he could not

give a damn about being deposed and therefore keeps looking over the

neighborhood with an iron fist. When pregnant Parvaneh and her family

moves into the terraced house opposite and accidentally backs into Ove’s

mailbox it turns out to be an unexpected friendship. A drama comedy

about unexpected friendship, love and the importance of surrounding

yourself with the proper tools.

• VERY BIG SHOT -  Lebanon 9/10

Slick comedy. Pizza guys shoot movie to smuggle drugs in film canisters. Lovable characters.

Film Kteer Kbeer, Director - Mir-Jean Bou Chaaya,Lebanon / 2015 / Lebanese|Arabic / 107 min.

Synopsis: Three brothers find themselves in the middle of a struggle with an armed

man. One of the brothers, Ziad, shoots the man dead. His brother Jad,

however, takes the fall and is sent to jail. In the intervening years, Ziad

has turned their modest family bakery into a drug dealing hub for a local

gangster. With Jad’s imminent release, however, he wants to go legit,

much to the charging of his boss, who asks him to do one last drop-off

as a personal favor. When that-drop off is across the border in war-torn

Syria, anything can happen.

• THE POLAR BOY - Estonia 8.5/10

Boy needs to fake bipolar disorder to get out of trouble caused by bipolar girlfriend. Funnymotionalsadjoy

Polaarpoiss, Director - Anu Aun,Estonia / 2016 / Estonian | English/ 97 min.

Synopsis:,Mattias is a young talented photographer in his final year of secondary

school, who has a dream to become a student of the Berlin Arts Academy.

He unexpectedly falls in love with Hanna, who is adventurous and

unpredictable but appears to suffer from bipolar disorder. Mattias risks

his whole future by breaking the law together with Hanna, but ends up

destroying the girl he loves as he commits a crime that could end up

putting him behind bars. His only solution to avoid jail is to fake the

illness his girlfriend already has - bipolarity.

• THE TEACHER - Slovakia 8.5/10

who exploits students to get her chores done. Comedy done in a delightful 12 Angry Men style narrative.

Ucitelka, Director - Jan Hrebejk,Slovakia / 2016 / Slovak / 102 min.

Synopsis:Since the arrival of the new teacher, Maria Drazdechova 1983, life has

turned upside down for students and parents. The teacher’s corrupted

behavior and one of the students’ suicide attempt that could be related

to that matter, makes the school Principal call the parents for an urgent

meeting that will suddenly put the future of all the families at stake. They

are asked to sign a petition against Maria. Maria’s connections in the

Communist Party makes everyone feel threatened. Will they dare to go

against her and stand up or will they just remain silent and let things be?

• LIKE CRAZY - Italy 8.5/10

Comedy drama about the escapades and discoveries of two inmates who escape from an institution -

La Pazza Gioia, Director - Paolo VirzimItaly | France / 2016 / Italian / 118 min.

Synopsis: Beatrice is a motor-mouthed fantasist, a self-styled billionaire countess

who likes to believe she’s on intimate terms with world leaders. Donatella

is a tattooed introvert, a fragile young woman locked in her own mystery.

They are both patients at the Villa Biondi, a progressive but secure

psychiatric clinic. The film tells the story of the unpredictable and moving

friendship that develops between the two women as they flee the mental

institution in search of love and happiness in the open-air nuthouse - the

world of sane people.

• A CONSPIRACY OF FAITH - Denmark 8.5/10

Tightly executed, fast-paced thriller about a kidnapping serial killer. Faith ruminations weaved

Flaskepost Fra P, Director - Hans Petter Moland,Denmark / 2016 / Danish / 112 min.

Synopsis: An old note is found in a bottle in Jutland which has travelled across the

ocean for a long time. The note is hard to decipher but when the Danish

investigators from Section Q receive it, the odd personalities within

the section find a new angle on it and try to unveil yet another old and

diabolic case even though the lead is cold to catch an elusive serial killer,

while time is running out.

• GUILTY MEN - Colombia 8/10

Rustic crime drama. Theft, treachery and murder! And a love triangle. Delightful watch.

Pariente, Director - Ivan D Gaona,Columbia / 2016 / Spanish / 115 min.

Synopsis:While the demobilization process of an illegal armed group is taking

place in rural Colombia, a town leader plays a risky game with the local

paramilitaries with a cache of cash at stake. When Willington’s only love,

Mariana, is about to get married with his cousin Rene, they get caught in

a situation that rapidly slips out of control.

• FLEMISH HEAVEN - Belgium 8/10

Drama piece about a brothel owner's daughter getting abused and justice. Thought-provoking.

Le Ciel Flamand, Director - Peter Monsaert,Belgium / 2016 / Flemish / 112 min.

Synopsis:A look at the lives of three generations of women. Monique and her

daughter Sylvie run a brothel on the border of West Flanders and France.

Eline, Sylvie’s six-year-old daughter, is fascinated by the mysterious

workplace of her mother and grandmother, but she is never allowed

inside. A dramatic event turns their lives upside down and the family ties

are put under pressure.

• RAUF -Turkey 8/10

Boyhood tale. Shepherd boy's crush on his master's daughter,who wants a pink scarf. But pink's in short supply!

Rauf, Director - Soner Caner And Baris Kaya, Turkey / 2016 / Turkish | Kurdish / 93 min.

Synopsis: Rauf is the story of a nine year old, living in a village under the shadow

of invisible endless war, who embarks on a journey to find the color pink

for the girl he loves who is a twenty year old daughter of the carpenter

to whom he is an apprentice. For him, pink is the color of the love in his

dreams and peace he never saw. The quest for pink starts with his desire

to make her smile. But his experiences in the grey world teach him the

black and white.

• PAULINA - Argentina 8/10

Drama about woman who takes up rural work, gets raped in a case of mistaken identity and has the baby.

La Patota, Director - Santiago Mitre, Argentina / 2015 / Spanish / 103 min.

Synopsis: Paulina abandons her successful career as a lawyer in Buenos Aires

to engage in social activism back in her homeland on the border

between Argentina, Paraguay and Brazil. After two weeks working in a

neighborhood scarred by poverty and marginalization, she is assaulted

by a gang. Despite the brutality of the attack, instead of fleeing, Paulina

resolves to hold tighter to her convictions - to survive, against the odds.

• THE PEOPLE VS. FRITZ BAUER - Germany 7.5/10

Gripping account of how Bauer got Eichmann caught by the Mossad. Facing Germany's Nazi  and homophobic past seems to have been a motivation behind the movie..

Der Staat Gegen Fritz Bauer, Director - Lars Kraume,Germany / 2015 / German / 105 min.

Synopsis: Germany, 1957. Attorney General Fritz Bauer receives crucial evidence on the

whereabouts of SS-Obersturmbannführer Adolf Eichmann. The lieutenant

colonel, responsible for the mass deportation of the Jews, is allegedly hiding

in Buenos Aires. Bauer, himself Jewish, has been trying to take crimes from

the Third Reich to court ever since his return from Danish exile. Because

of his distrust in the German justice system, Fritz Bauer contacts the Israeli

secret service Mossad, and, by doing so, commits treason. Bauer is not

seeking revenge for the Holocaust--he is concerned with the German future.

• MINISTRY OF LOVE - Croatia 7.5/10

Down-to-earth comedy. Budget cuts off widow pension, if they've remarried. Inspectors need proof!

Ministarstvo Ljubavi, Director - Pavo Marinkovic, Croatia / 2016 / Croatian / 103 min.

Synopsis: A razor sharp comedy all about relationships and red tape. Kreso is at a

loose end. A fully qualified biologist, disillusioned, out of work and stuck

in a marriage. Over 20 years after the 1990 war, spying on war widows in

order to cut off their pensions ,should they find new partners? But what

his bosses, including his father-in-law, don’t know is that he just may be

romance’s unlikeliest champion. Ministry Of Love is a quirky, sardonic,

blisteringly funny road trip through the idiosyncrasies of finding one’s

passion in unlikely places.

• NERUDA - Chile 7.5/10

Fictionalized biopic of an inspector's hunt for impeached Pablo. Would've been more fun if it was less abstract

Neruda, Director - Pablo Larraín, Chile / 2016 / Spanish| French /107 min.

Synopsis:Poet and politician Pablo Neruda, who goes underground when Chile

outlaws communism and is pursued by an ambitious police inspector

hoping to make a name for himself by capturing the famous fugitive.

• HEDI -Tunisia 7/10

Tale of a mama's boy who tries to break free from his mother's chosen plans...At 25, and about to get married...

Inhebek Hedi, Director - Mohamed Ben Attia,Tunisia / 2016 / Arabic / 88 min.

Synopsis: Hedi is the very picture of a man listlessly treading the path laid out for

him. He’s a lousy salesman with zero interest in what he’s doing. His

mother is an overbearing, strong-willed widow determined to keep him

close to her. But, a week before his marriage to Khedija, for whom he

has no interest, he meets Rim. She is a free-spirited woman who makes

him feel alive, and opens his eyes to the possibility of enjoying life, on his

own terms.

• DOGS - Romania 7/10

Parabolic story of man who inherits vast land from gangster relative but is unable to sell.-

Caini, Director - Bogdan Mirica, Romania / 2016 / Romanian / 104 min.

Synopsis: A group of thieves assemble to pull of the perfect diamond heist.

It turns into a bloody ambush when one of the men turns out to be a

police informer. As the group begins to question each other’s guilt, the

heightening tensions threaten to explode the situation before the police

step in.

• K SERA SERA -  India -  7/10

Dual tale about the futility and illusion of choices we make. A bit worn but great acting.

Ghodpachem Ghoddtelem, Director - Rajeev Shinde, 2016 / Konkani / 125 min.

Synopsis: K Sera Sera revolves around a concept of “Do we live life... Or does life live

us…”. The film is about two individuals. One who believes in changing

the circumstances with precise and definite decisions and the other who

believes in drifting with the situations around and let the circumstances

decide the course of life.

• ANNA’S LIFE - Georgia - 7/10

Struggles of a single mother with an autistic kid to go to the USA

Anas Ckhovreba, Director - Nino Basilia, Georgia / 2016 / Georgian / 108 min.

Synopsis: Young single mother Anna works several jobs in order to fund the care

required for her autistic son, who is placed in a specialist establishment.

One day, she decides to leave it all behind and take him to live in the

United States. But she has difficulty in obtaining the visa. So she sells

her flat and entrusts everything she has to a man who can acquire false

papers for her. Can she really trust him?

• SIERANEVADA - Romania 7/10

Accurate, real-time view of events at a family lunch. Brilliant exploration of the quotidian. Too long.

Sieranevada, Director - Cristi Puiu, Romania / 2016 / Romanian / 173 min.

Synopsis: A doctor and his wife are having a family meal in Bucharest to mark

the passing of his father when an argument about 9/11 breaks out and

deteriorates into a settling of personal scores.

• THE TOTH FAMILY- Hungary 7/10

Comedy about a family putting up with their son's eccentric commander who long overstays his welcome. The techniques have not aged well.

Isten Hozta Örnagy Úr, Director - Zoltán Fábri,Hungary / 1969 /Hungarian / 95 min.

Synopsis:Nervously exhausted Major (Latinovits) is spending his leave with the

parents of a favourite subordinate. For the son’s sake, mother and

daughter generously comply with the Major’s peculiar requests. However,

the esteemed fire chief resists the Major’s aggressive ways in the name

of human dignity.

• PRETENDERS - Estonia 6/10

All elements for a Polanski-style behavioral thriller. Couples in an isolated place etc. But falls flat.

Teesklejad, Director - Vallo Toomla, Estonia / 2016 / Estonian / 102 min.

Synopsis:

After a heavy decision, Anna and Juhan are unable to move on with their

lives. They take time off at their friends’ fancy summer house and once

there, are forced to offer shelter to another couple caught in the storm.

The couple assumes that the house belongs to Anna and Juhan and they

do nothing to correct the mistake. Instead, they seize their new roles and

start taking their mutual bitterness out on the strangers. Pretenders is

a psychological drama about the truths and illusions of a relationship.

• THE CAT - India 3/10

Cheap symbolism and lines in a B-grade movie about a lusting(?) monk...Marks only for the sincerity of melodrama! I have no clue how this made the cut.

Bekku, Director - Baragur Ramachandrappa, 2015 / Kannada / 102 min.

Synopsis:Man’s sub-conscious mind is a den of plenty of emotions: it could be lust

for women as well. So, an emotion craving for pleasure sits at the back of

the mind. The lust, craving desire which is a dimension within, expresses

itself outside when it gets an external stimulus. This is an innate process

of human nature, if the same happens in the case of a saint, who is

supposed to have renounced the world, then the ethical and non-ethical

questions crop up. It explores the anxiety that comes out of the clash

between the inner and outer world.

Under The Work Spell

Under the work-spell, we do a lot of things to "add value" and "get the job done".

SPELLING FOR THE WORD PRONOUNCED KYOO

The sales pitch goes: "We are the world's foremost specialists in spelling! Our special spellings will help others pronounce your word! Let us help you come up with the spelling for your word that you now pronounce as 'kyoo'".

Step 1: q (pronounced kyoo)..."Elegant and unique, q also has the k sound, what's more also has the pronounced as kyoo. Nifty, eh? But, there's more work to do."
Step 2: q-u (unpronounceable)..."Uh-oh! Are we really as good as we had claimed? But we have to add it...because of the mandatory u-after-q regulation..."
Step 3: q-u-e (pronounced kwe)..."Whew! That's better, at least it looks like a word now."
Step 4: q-u-e-u (pronounced kwe-oo?)..."Adding u is always a mistake. Lesson learnt."
Step 5: q-u-e-u-e (let's agree to prononounce it as "kyoo"!)..."Applying a lesson learnt, adding e after we mess up by adding u makes things better."

The spelling is now just great, don't you think?...(Let's ship this, before the customer realises what we are really doing!)

Q-U-E-U-E!...(Q(unique)-u(rules)-eue(beautiful pattern, don't you think, ue-ue) : Launch presentation)

Two Otocorrect Jocks

Malayalees have an inclination for the round "O" sound when we talk.

For example, we tend to pronounce the word "Auto" as "Oto".

Being self-conscious and also self-effacing by nature, we make a genuine effort to oto-correct when we find we made a mistake, and pretend it never happened...often with hilarious consequences...

Here are two illustrations from real life (courtesy Jeswin & Abid)

1. --- JOBY --

Joby was a Malayalee who migrated to the US. People made so much fun of his pronunciation that the poor chap even changed the way he pronounced his name! Earlier, he was Joe-bee, now he was Job-bee!

Once, when Joby had come to Bangalore, we went out for lunch at a restaturant.

After taking the order, the waiter asked, "What would you like to drink, sir?"

"I'll have a Cock please. Thank you!"

2. --- VIVEK ---

Vivek (English was not his strong suit) was out on a trek with friends when he spotted a scarecrow in one of the fields

"Hey, look guys! A scapegoat!!!"

Everybody started laughing.

Vivek quickly oto-corrected himself,

"Oh, sorry! I meant scape-got."

Film Festival Diary - IFFK 2010

20101216

Think I'm retiring from this year's edition.

20101215 Optical Illusions

Was supposed to be "a delightful comedy" according to the blurbs. Delivered in parts. Interestingly characters albeit without depth - a blind man who regains his sight and along with it pessimism, an employee being trained for unemployment...Lots of humor understated

20101215 Zephyr

Nobody reminded me..what I'd noted day before yesterday! Made-up Symbolism and Songs with Meaning tire and stress me out now. Cow lost (calf without mother), mother of protagonist comes home. Later mother leaves, cow returns. Not all without substance though.

20101215 Certified Copy

If you have a good enough copy one won't miss the original. Movie illustrates the point beautifully, starting with discussions about Art - paintings and their copies. Then the lead characters (a writer and a fan) role-play as husband-wife. The lines are quickly blurred. Intriguing.

20101215

Decided to go for 3 today!

20101214 The Light Thief

Movie about an adorable inventor in the middle of nowhere. Slow-moving but poignant.

20101214

Decided to take it slow. Going for only one movie today

20101213 Lola

Remind me to never watch movies about bringing up a kid alone, woman director. No substance, some good music.

20101213

Announcement in hall: "I kindly request you to switch off your mobile phones."

20101213 Silent Souls

Depressing Russian movie about belonging and death. Merjan rituals and vodka-washes...Perhaps a dream the director or the author dreamt, should have stayed a private fantasy... Must say the movie was made with genuine feeling though

20101213 The Grandmaster

Japanese movie (1960s) captivates whether you know anything about the game of Shogi or not. Powerful acting by daughter of the Grandmaster in the scene about the Silver-Bullet move stands out as a highlight.

20101212 Of Love And Other Demons

Boring boring. A prototype of the pretentious art-movie stereotype. Provided me with a most refreshing power-nap. Rabies, a priest's love affair with a teenager...shot mostly in darkness and dungeons...made me long for the lights to come on. Shots of faces half in darkness, half in light seem to be the director's favorite trick to provide symbolism...slipping into the dark side...

20101212 Apart Together

A nice Chinese movie about a man returning to his lover after 50 years and planning to take her back from her husband. The husband agrees! Enjoyed a song that reminded me of the drinking songs of Malluland.

20101211 The Daughter-In-Law

Nice to be touched by genius every once in a while, Silent movie from Kyrgyzstan with no dialogue. Powerful storyline. Symbolic interludes with shots of animals are a little bit cheesy but acceptable.

20101211

I'm delegate number 13309.

Card Hacking With The Aashaan

On a lazy Saturday morning, nothing better to do - decide to analyze cards along with Nithin "Gokul" Rajagopal aka Cindy aka Aashaan, who has an insanely good visual memory...

Each face card (JKQ) is different!

Aggression

Only card with a raised weapon - King Of Hearts

Grooming!

Only king without a moustache - King Hearts - He also has 4 hands in views. Hands up?

Only people with curls inwards - King Of Hearts and King Of Diamonds

Jack Spades is the only guys with multiple curls

Profiles

Only cards showing the side-view - Jack Of Spades, Jack Of Hearts & King Of Diamonds

Attitude!

They don't care? Looking away from Sign - Jack Of Clubs, King Of Spades, Queen Of Spades, Jack Of Spades

King Of Clubs and the Queen Of Hearts don't have their sign on their attire! All the rest do!

(C)20100918 Aashaan

Who You Are Versus What You Are

Of late, I have been analyzing various social interactions and personal conflicts from the angle of Who-You-Are versus What-You-Are and I've found that it explains a lot of things: from extravagant weekend shopping sprees to Daddy-wasn't-there situations to I-won't-talk-to-you-anymore personal crises...

Who You Are: There are things you do because of your intrinsic nature. You are who you are. That's the kind of person I am!

What You Are: There are things you do or want to do because of things you have no control over. Victims of circumstance is what you are. I do what I have to do!

Examples

Army officers: Attention!

People who spent most of their lives working in the army come to expect similar levels of discipline and no-questions-asked obedience in their personal lives as well. They expect you to listen to what they have to say (Attention!) and this is what often leads to coffee-table monologues!

Beggars: What kind of cheapo are you?

A beggar pleads with you for money persistently. Finally, you are touched and finally give him small change. Then It has happened to me!

Beggar: Please...Please...Please... (What You Are: Beggars beg)

You: No...No...No... (What You Are: Refuse requests for money from strangers.)

Then you finally give in...give him small

You: Here take this. Hope this change helps. (Who You Are: Human being with empathy)

Beggar: What? 50 paise!!! (Who You Are: I gave up my dignity for this!!??)

Crux

There is an Ego associated with both these components of our personality and this leads to conflicts and problems. Our irritation with people we interact with usually expresses itself with the protests: Who does he think he is? What does he think I am?

It is easier for the What-You-Are component to override and control the Who-You-Are component. I guess how comfortable you are with the sudden switch-overs will determine how happy you are...

Professionally Good!

Can an exceptionally good doctor be an evil person?

A high degree of benevolence is intrinsically associated with some professions. People working in these roles are supposed to help people commonly held to be "un-evil” and we often subconsciously confuse the professional with the personals. Surely, some of the good in the work he does would rub off on him, wouldn't it?

The character of Dr. Hannibal Lecter (Silence Of The Lambs) was so shocking and effective primarily because of the inherent traits we tend to associate with doctors and cooks. Given that Hannibal the Cannibal was both a doctor, a good cook and a connoisseur to boot, the line of dialogue, "I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti." comes as a real blood-curdler!!!

People who are “professionally” good could include -
Doctors: Save us from disease! (Godly actions)
Cops: Save us from bad guys! (Father figures. They enforce the law which is for the greater common good, ensure justice)
Cooks: Feed us! (strong association with Mother, care etc. They feed you, would never knowingly poison you, would they!)

So we tend to assume that if they are good at what they do, since what they do is for the good, they must also be good persons who will not want to do you harm. Surely, he cannot be a bad person!

There are also many movies where the "good cop" hero, also does a lot of bad, evil things. Dirty Harry, for example.

Given the choice of a lawyer, a politician and a doctor, and all of them are ready, willing and equally equipped to help (say, take care of your dog) you, who would you rather go to for some help?

Notes To My Child

Don't lose:

* your curiosity and sense of wonder. Never hesitate to question Why or to ask Why not!

* your openness and ability to accept new things. This is what I thought, but it could work that way too and, you know what, it might actually be better that way.

* your lack of inhibition and shame. Don't be afraid to try out whatever's on your mind. People might think it's silly but hey, it's just them, who cares!

You'll be better off if you get rid of:

* Your naivete and innocence. Some people are evil, though most of them are harmless because they are selfish as well. You'll be better off with a slight(but hey don't overdo it), mean streak.

* The need to be/feel rewarded for every little thing you've done. Yeah, that was great all right but not everybody realizes it.

* your impatience. It could take some time before things improve.

Greenmailing

We would love to go green, but we need your help...is a line you often hear from corporates nowadays. It's become so prevalent that there is actually a word that has been invented for it: greenmailing, as opposed to blackmailing.

It's only a change of shade, you know, from blackmail to greenmail. The greenmailer also aims to exploit a sense of guilt in you for his private gain. But one difference i:, the cheapo greenmailers don't have the guts to admit that they are engaging in cheap greenmail, while the blackmailer has no qualms about doing so . What was that about, Honor Among Thieves?

GREENMAIL in action

* The Bank asks you to opt for account-statements by email. Save Paper!, they say.

Distorted viewpoint? Hardly. These pleas are more about saving petty overhead expenses than about the environment. It's all about the bottom-line, and that is the bottom line!

* The Bank then sends you printed fliers about their latest loans and facilities. They even have the temerity to send you (and keep on sending you!) paper reminders of the importance of opting for paperless email-statements!

More flagrant examples of greenmailing are on view at hotels. The Hotel asks you to reduce your water-usage in the wash-room. Water is Scarce!, a prominently placed poster proclaims. The Hotel asks you to not expect a fresh towel/sheet every day. We need to Conserve Resources!, they say. The Hotel asks you to cooperate during the scheduled switching off of the air-conditioner for two hours...with the energy used by an AC in an hour can be used to...blah blah... Use less, save the environment!

Yeah, right!

Photography Was Allowed!

These snaps were taken when I visited a friend's house - is it in Bangalore or Sign Land, I wonder :), the situation was signs-signs-signs. Some are signs I have (and probably never will :) see anywhere else, some are just naughty perspectives, some are just plain funny! I really had a blast taking these.

The playground was called Concrete Ground for heaven's sake, and there were so many rules that one simply could not relax there...my heart goes out to kids growing up there...

My personal favorites are the no-games-allowed in-toilets, poetic r'turn well-wishing and the children-at-play sign boards... Nope, I did not break any rules taking these pix though, photography was not prohibited!

(I suspect photography will be next! :) )

Malayalitmus Test

I have devised a litmus test to determine the Malluness quotient of an individual.

Depending on how the person says the following word:
Neerazhi (നീരാഴി) - a synonym for the word "sea"

You can determine how much Malayalam a person knows, how "native" he or she is from the way they pronounce this word.

The na, ra, and zha are different!


TIDBITS
===========
From Wikipedia,

Extinct Kannada letters

Kannada literary works employed letters ಱ (transliterated 'ṟ' or 'rh') and ೞ (transliterated 'ḻ', 'lh' or 'zh'), whose manner of articulation most plausibly could be akin to those in present-day Malayalam and Tamil. The letters dropped out of use in the twelfth and eighteenth centuries, respectively. Later Kannada works replaced 'rh' and 'lh' with ರ (ra) and ಳ (la) respectively.^[70]

Another letter (or unclassified vyanjana (consonant)) that has become extinct is 'nh' or 'inn'. (Likewise, this has its equivalent in Malayalam and Tamil.) The usage of this consonant was observed until the 1980s in Kannada works from the mostly coastal areas of Karnataka (especially the Dakshina Kannada district). Now hardly any mainstream works use this consonant. This letter has been replaced by ನ್ (consonant n).^{[citation needed]}

Barking Barking Malayalam Chopping

A joke that Malayalis share about non-Mallus is that the hapless foreigners always say: "Kurachu kurachu malayalam ariyum". This post is about debunking and clarifying that joke - which is quite an impossibility!

Well, a little more about the "joke".

When the foreigner (who has tried to learn the notoriously difficult-to-speak language) means to say:
"കുറച്ചു കുറച്ചു മലയാളം അറിയും ",
They end up saying it as.
"കുരച്ച് കുരച്ച് മലയാളം അരിയും.".

The former means "Little little Malayalam I know" while the latter means "Barking Barking Malayalam I chop"! :)

There is only a slight difference in pronunciation for the 'ra's involved in this statement. The normal 'ra' (റ) sound that a foreign-tonguer would utter naturally would result in the correct version (knowing-knowing) of the statement in question!

The other ra (ര) is a sound that Wikipedia tells me used to exist in early Kannada and Tamil as well; but they became obsolete there. To understand the difference between the two 'ra's, contrast the two la sounds in "Loyola" (ലൊയോള). The difference between the two 'ra' s is also the same.

The barking-barking version of the statement is actually a testimony to Malayali elitism and sarcasm. The joke is that the foreigner would not be able to say the joke... or hear it, he would auto-correct it.

It is an insider joke!... perverse Malayali humour... :)

Do It With Mirrors

Today I went along with a friend to (window)shop around for an exercise-machine at the Proline shop on CMH Road. There was a full-wall mirror installed in the display/trial area. I noticed that in this mirror I seemed to be fatter than I thought I was.

I pointed this out to the salesman, who initially pooh-poohed my suggestion. (I am comfortably obese, you see... and who does not think they are slimmer than they actually are?) Then I showed him his reflection in the glass-window in the front (it was night) and asked him to compare it with the mirror. He was also startled by what he saw!

On further investigation, the mirror seemed to be slightly concave and made you slightly more convex; it most definitely had an aberration - a mistake of convenience?

What a brilliant sales-strategy!

1. You enter the shop, thinking that you are getting fat and that need to buy-equipment
2. Make the mirror show you a fatter version of you.
3. Seeing is believing, so...
4. You really need that exercise-machine now, don't you?!!

And On the Seventh He Rested

I have temporarily defected from the world of gainful employment, after my resignation in July. I am taking an indefinite break from the material world (time and money). As the Tata Safari ad went, it was time to reclaim my life; it was time to rediscover some of my passions, which were slowly slipping away. My world is definitely money-less now, and also, sadly, not as time-less as I thought it would be.

Well, I do kinda miss office and I feel like writing a report. :) Here's the status report on the 50th day-versary of my quarantine.

THE LOWDOWN
================

Life has still been busy. Have been doing things that I would never have done otherwise because they are 'unimportant'.

* Was confined to bed for 6 days - bad case of fever (not swine flu)

* Cleaned up the clutter and piles of junk that had accumulated - both in my house in Bangalore and at home in Trivandrum

* Successfully came up with a blog-idea a day for nearly the whole of July

* Went around with my cousins, who had come down from the UK and the US.

* Went to watch the Badminton World Championship in Hyderabad.
Lin Dan, the Roger Federer of shuttle, won!

* Took a break from computers in general for around 10 days

* Started writing some programs (open-source) that I had meaning to do for quite some time

EVENTS
========
* Fever
* Cleanup
* Speech at family function
* Shuttle tournament - saw the World no.1,2,3,4 in action on the same day
* Coincidence - bus broke down, auto-rickshaw broke down - both on the same trip
* Coincidence - caught my ex-boss bunking office, met an uncle - both accidentally

TYPICAL DAY
===========
8-11 - Get up/breakfast, read newspaper, crossword
11-4 - Go out somewhere (there are random trips on the bus. With a pass, you don't need to tell even the conductor where you are headed. I also go to Reliance Timeout, where you can comfortably sit and browse through books. Or maybe a movie.)
5-7 - Go to read in the neighbourhood park
7-10 - Dinner, laze around
11-3 - On the computer, generally programming also browsing

LESSONS
=======
* There's still no escaping the tyranny of time.
* You can do only one thing at a time.
* It's kind of tough to be responsible for your own time; it's so easy to slip.
* Anything can start to be boring.
* My mood-fix: watching four movies in a row
* It's actually not that important to read the newspaper everyday. You know what, some articles are really repeats!!!

PoA
===
Even now, there's no time! There's still so much stuff on the back-burner to get back to! For instance there's a movie I borrowed nearly 2 years ago: The Two Jakes, unopened books (too many to list :) ), piles of documents and emails to sort... I also need to get up to speed on technology.

Plan to get everything online soon.

The (4,5) Crosswords

Absolutely frustrated and exasperated with the abysmal quality of the Hindu crossword these days. Negative this post may be, but hey I got me a muse! :)

=====================

(4,5) CROSSWORDS

(ALL DOWN THOUGH) :(

=====================

1 Now in the abyss, just a good girl initially (4,5)

2 Gets confused: one Roman giant jag on Greek slopes(4,5)

3 Girl, clumsy moves ain't a jig (4,5)

4 One ganja git on steroids? Sort of (4,5)

5 Known for a half a jiff gag hints, endlessly confused (4,5)

6 Rhymher: clues neat are buggy, say 5D (4,5)

7 Always gets Aga TJ in karate dress, say gee! (4,5)

8 Respect tag for completely gaga, half nitwit? Hardly. (4,5)

9 Blasphemer in the Holy Grid (4,5)

Discards (only because I am not the answer :) )

-----------------------------------------------

Eskimo house without toilet messes up Agra monument profit (4,5)

Sings motley clue at Jain gig (4,5)

Crossword Blues

Returned to doing crosswords today. Was reminded of this poem gathering dust in my vault, more than seven years I think. Thought this was occasion enough - also since now it's nearly two years since I put anything up here. Renaissance Post!

=================

CROSSWORD BLUES

=================

That morning I was out in the garden,

Body in chair, newspaper in hand

My mind none knows where

for it was lost in thought.

So many right, yet so many left.

So many acrosses, I was feeling down

Was it hell or inferno?

Ere come flying did this crow

Blacker than night

Darker even than the mind

of the grid-setter so cryptic.

Twinkle in eye, mischief brimming

the crow, he perched on the arm of my chair,,

looked through icily, said

“What have we here, boxes?

Light boxes, dark boxes,

Shaded boxes, numbered boxes

but filled, lettered ones so few.

It is, I see, that which Nature she abhors!

As to how to fill these blanks,

I’m sure, you have no clue!”

Thus spake the crow.

To these words offence I did take,

For though no master, I was no slouch

And I taught him the perilous

ways through the Holy Grid.

About how a tree was an unetched three

And how the ear was the sense organ of time

About how Al ever managed to operate the lever

And how confused fears made you feel safer.

Thus I explained to him at length

About clues- cryptic, quick, hidden

and other literal sorts you know

the rowdy, wordy anagrammic clues

and funny, punny homophones.

At this juncture,

I paused my lecture.

Not because my pupil was perplexed

rather `cos his were unflexed!

The insolent indolent crow,

he smiled a knowing smile

Not in the least awed

(I know) for now he guffawed

and then he cawed,

“Mere wordplay!

The CrossWord, tis but an eternal truth

The Beginning, cross words were heard

no sooner than God made woman.

Then so many battles, so many wars

when all people did was cross swords”

(How words could this get, I thought)

“And I believe Christ’s last utterings

are now to be had as the Cross-Words,

The End!”

Oh, the way he punned it

I knew he was no crow ordinary

Really, he was some pundit!

And then went flying did the crow.

There was nothing left to do

But to bid goodbye

and jot those immortal thoughts down.

For these crass words

I am not to blame.

(Though the excuse is lame)

These were but the crow’s words!

- Thomas Jay Cubb

Tender Resignation

Yesterday was my last day in my office, where I had worked for nearly 4 years. My tenure there was just like how that Mastercard ad of some time ago went: times that were more better than worse. And thankfully, it was an amicable split (in fact, I had been reading many "How To Handle A Breakup" stories on the Web of late): it was just a case of time to move on.

By a strange and unfortunate stroke of misfortune, I was not well on this last day and was extremely tired throughout. This had to do with my eggscapade of Sunday of course, had caught a bug or a curse on that caper. A major reason for my quit was the realization that there were too many eggs in the fridge of my life - stacks of unread magazines, unexpanded ideas, and many other undone things! But I do hope that this creative-exploration reasoning for my quit holds water when I'm ready to find another job!

I struggled to complete my exit formalities because of exhaustion and was forced to spend most of the day resting at my desk. Hence I was not able to bid cheerful enough adieus to people who came there to my desk and probably decided not to trouble me too much. Guys, it was just that I was ill and exhausted, not sick and tired! :)


PS Yeah, this is the explanation for the recent, increased blogging activity.

Unvital Statistics (TPS Reports)

Have you ever prepared a report at work that you felt was pointless to prepare and was based on useless data?

A couple of posts ago, I'd mentioned TPS reports in passing. Here's some info. From Wikipedia: "TPS report" has come to denote pointless mindless paperwork after its use in the comedy film Office Space. In the story, a primary character is reprimanded by several of his superiors for forgetting to put the new cover sheet on his TPS report. Mike Judge, who wrote and directed the movie, said that it meant "Toilet Paper Sheet" in the movie.

TPS reports typically gather and formalize unvital statistics. Is there a correlation between the length/number of breaks and productivity? How much time is spent by the typical employee not working - blinking, walking, could be anything - how can we capture and utilize that time? Typically, these questions have common-sense answers but they need to be backed up with evidence, don't they?

What's behind the gathering of these unvital statistics? Why does it happen? Why is it so prevalent?

1. Information loss happens at each level of hierarchy. These reports are an attempt at mitigating the resultant damage.

a) Bosses get insecure because of this inevitable information loss. Already, they are losing touch with field-work and they don't want lose their utility completely. They want to take "informed' decisions and who can say for sure that these stats are, in fact not vital? Hence they want to capture as much data as possible, data being the basis for information.

b) There are TPS reports at all levels. Your TPS report is what forms the basis for your boss's TPS report!

2. It gives you, as an employee, something to do. It helps in boosting your PUF. It gives you an easy opportunity to prove your uniqueness and utility. You know what, my TPS report is the best, packs the most punch!

Data if collected has to be processed into information, interpreted and assimilated. Otherwise the effort expended on collecting the data is a waste. The time spent for interpretation and analysis of the data at each level is an acceptable transmission-loss.

My colleague (who of his own volition neither reads nor writes, hence I am obliged to document!) termed it "statistical masturbation" - because it is useful to none and, in most cases, provides satisfaction to just one! :)

- Thomas Jay Cubb

Asides (Analysis/expansion later)
---------------------------------------
1. In information theory, entropy is a measure of the uncertainty associated with a random variable . Work is a random variable. Corporate hierarchies are based on information. The second law of thermodynamics, states that the entropy of the universe always increases.

Eggs In The Fridge

Recently, I discovered 4 eggs in a forgotten corner of my fridge at home. I was shocked, to say the least, because I realized then that I had bought those eggs nearly one-and-a-half years ago...15 months, no kidding!

Of course, they had gone bad. I tried keeping them on a plane surface and saw that they wobbled - this way, then that, sort of like a pendulum. This, I guess (and recalling my high-school science lessons and of course Google), was due to the build-up of hydrogen sulfide gas within. So the affair of the eggs in the fridge had become a real stinker- both literally and figuratively.

I had robbed those unborn chickens of their utility and denied them the purpose of even their non-existence! Omelets, French toast, cakes... perfectly modest aspirations for eggs, these had not become even those! I decided that these eggs, if nothing, at least deserved to go out with a bang; I owed them a decent funeral.

The thing about funerals is that they are pointless unless there is a release of emotion, any emotion. No funeral is better than a nondescript funeral. How would I give them what I owed?

Now, there is something about watching the eggs go SPLAT against a wall. I don't know why exactly, but I have always been fascinated with this splatting of eggs. I think it has to do with the letting out of pent-up energy, matter which has hitherto been concealed. I figured that this would be the easiest and the best thing to do.

But there was a problem. In the urban maze that our neighborhood was, there was no suitable wall on which to throw these eggs! :( If I did what I planned to near my house, there could be trouble... there were 4 eggs, not just one or two! Daytime: He's throwing rotten eggs! At my wall! Night-time: Who's throwing stuff at my wall, and at this unearthly hour! There was also the risk of other sorts of tensions (communal?) as well...and, in any case, who knew what 15-month old eggs could contain!!!

My friend was going to Chennai in his car today; I decided to tag along. There are some outback pockets on the highway, with lots of ovoid boulders. I wanted to throw the eggs against some of those boulders on the way. Eggs on egg-shaped rocks, one with the elements. He also supported the plan; I guess his interest was piqued by the prospective splat!

On our way to Chennai, we identified the spot for the ceremony (there was a nice boulder at a turning) ; but we were in kind of a hurry, so we decided to do the honors on the way back (we were returning the same day) .

However, during a stop-over on the highway, I took one of the eggs and threw it on the road. It cracked open. I saw that the white of the egg was all gone and only the yellow remained. The yolk looked funny, it becomes sort of a gel after 15 months, you see. And the stench of it, aaarghh!

Our business of the day dragged on till evening and when we set back it was already dusk. We reached our chosen "funeral-spot" only much later. It was dark and there was heavy traffic, we could not stop! Well, when we got back to Bangalore, it was night and it was still unfinished business :(

I ended up throwing the two of the remaining eggs into Ulsoor Lake. They made a splash when they landed in the water. Then I remembered that it was a splat that I had planned. I spotted a tree on the road and I threw the last remaining against the tree. And..I missed!

Those eggs were definitely not well-done.

BeneMal Classification Of Games

I think our subconscious identification with the inherent symbolism in a game is an important factor in how much we enjoy watching it. Like George Orwell said, "Sport is war, minus the shooting". Somebody else dies, so you watch?

Today I was watching a game of carroms in the recreational area during the lunch-break, and I was reminded of what a snooker commentator had said on TV a few months ago, when the player had pocketed a ball, "The ball has been released into gravity!"

The free fall of the ball symbolizes a release from suffering, liberation. The ball proceeds into a different plane and we feel happy for it. This is also true when we watch a 100m sprint for example. While the sprint is on, the runners have to keep running (suffering)... up until they cross the finish line and they are released from the forced suffering.

In games, as in life, there are rules and there are constraints. However, there is also an end to a game and we survive to reap the harvest, unlike in life. Sport is life, plus a view into the aftermath. This is what enchants us.

If you look at a game from the perspective of a ball/piece, then games can be classified as:

1) Benevolent Games

In games like snooker and carroms, we try to release the balls from the forces of friction and collisions and boundaries of space. The balls are confined to the table/board and are subjected to forceful collisions (ouch!) and ultimately, whoever liberates the board from the pain of the rolling balls is the winner.

2) Malevolent Games

In games like tennis and badminton, we try to keep the ball within the boundaries of the court for as long as possible. And while the ball is still in the court, we keep walloping it. It's almost as if we hate the ball, as soon it comes near us we hit it to the other side. Otherwise, if we allow the ball to continue in its trajectory and it is still in the boundary, we are penalized. Pure evil!

A redeeming fact though, is that if we hit the ball such that the opponent can't return it, thereby becoming agents of liberation for the ball, we are rewarded with points!

3) BeneMal Games

These are games which symbolize the fight between Good And Evil.

In a game like cricket, the batting side tries to put the ball outside the boundary while the fielding side aims to keep it in. Batting good, fielding evil? Well, Good and Evil are both subjective and relative. If you look at the game from a different perspective, the fielding side can be viewed as trying to put the batting side out of their suffering, caused by their desire to liberate the ball! :)

Football too, both teams aim to liberate the ball from the confines of the field in their own way and believes the other team's way is evil. In the midst of this conflict though, the ball keeps getting kicked around! :)

- Thomas Jay Cubb